May 2008 Archives

Sex and the City stylist Patricia Field is a woman who is not afraid to go over the top. She's about as subtle as a Donatella Versace impersonating drag queen. I mean, just look at her work on SATC and The Devil Wears Prada - over the top is this lady's M.O. Love her or hate her, she definitely makes an impression.

Patricia has just come out with a line of shoes for Payless. At $25-$35 a pop, these shoes are entirely affordable. I always like to see designer's diffusion lines, my favorite being Isaac Mizrahi for Target (LOVE) and my least favorite being Tara Subkoff for Bebe (though I enjoyed what she did with Easy Spirit). My opinion on Partricia Field for Payless? I'll be blunt. I hate them. They are nineties and not even in the ironic way - nineties in the 'did you go to the rave last night' and 'check out my new belly button ring' way. I don't know what went wrong.


I don't know what's less appealing, that baby blue metallic round toed pump, or those scary red acrylic nails.

 

Oh Patricia...you are so crazy.

 
AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL!!!!!!! Who told the 55-year-old manicurist from Orlando to bring her shoes to this event?


This is all that is bad about Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Jessica Simpson rolled into the form of a shoe.

Patricia. Snap out of it. We know you have the magic touch when it comes to fashion... why did you make these shoes?

Your StyleGirl is seeing SATC later today, so expect a FULL review over the weekend. But first thing's first. How do I mentally prepare myself for the most important movie event of the year?


First, I'm going to repeat a bunch of my favorite quotes from SATC over and over in my head like a psychopath. Because I'm a soft, trashy white wine drinker, my favorite quote is pure (but delicious) cheese: "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." Let's all collectively squeal, then vomit.


Secondly, I'm going to get way overdressed in something outrageously girly that I would never wear on any other occasion, like this Alice + Olivia rose halter dress, available at Shopbop.

Finally, I'm going to make a big batch of Cosmos to channel the spirit of the four sluttiest thirty-somethings in Manhattan, and sneak them into the theater.

Posh, he's making fun of you. STOP POSING FOR HIM! Below, the two latest in the Marc Jacobs' completely bizarre Posh Spice campaign. As my friend Eliza put it, "It's so crazy it almost swings back into genius... except not."


She has that vacant look of the girl who got too drunk at the party and for laughs her cruel friends make her do weird shit that they subsequently capture on videotape and put on YouTube. Whereas models are generally made to look good in designer campaigns, Victoria Beckham looks absolutely loonytunes in these ads for MJ.

Do you love it or hate it?

I'm leaning towards hate. Below, the previous installments of this ongoing trainwreck.

So Dunkin Donuts has canned an online advertisement featuring Rachel Ray, because she is wearing a hipster scarf. According to FOXNews, the least credible news source in America, the scarf resembles a keffiyeh - a traditional headdress worn by Arab men. Because Rachel Ray is wearing said hipster scarf, FOXNews thought this sent the message to America that Dunkin Donuts supports terrorism.

FoxNews commentator Michelle Malkin had this to say on her blog: "Anti-American fashion designers abroad and at home have mainstreamed and adapted the scarves as generic pro-Palestinian jihad or anti-war statements. Yet many folks out there remain completely oblivious to the apparel's violent symbolism and anti-Israel overtones."

Whoa. A little aggressive much? This reminds me of when everyone hated the French because George Bush thought they supported terrorism and people in the bible belt started the whole 'freedom fries' thing. People like to get worked up in a tizzy over everything. Like if someone gets a Chinese symbol tattooed on their bicep, does that mean they hate Tibet and the Dalai Lama? Why does everything have to get turned into an ideological battle? I hate the hipster scarf, not because I think it's a political statement, but because it's kinda overdone. They sell these scarves at H&M.

Also, when Rachael Ray starts wearing a trend, you know it's dead.

The Black and White Ball is happening this Saturday, May 31, in SF Symphony's Davies Symphony Hall, headlined by Grammy winner, Mr. Heidi Klum himself, Seal. Your StyleGirl is not going to the Black and White Ball, because she'd rather spend $200 on this than a ticket, but for all those San Francisans who are heading down for some partying with the glitter set, there are some great clothing options that fit the black and white theme.


McQ scarf tank dress, $470 at Net-a-Porter



3.1 Phillip Lim bi-colored crepe dress at Net-a-porter, priced at $995



Catherine Hedaya long patio dress, $595 at Saks Fifth Avenue



Abaete, Kiera strapess dress, $395 at Saks Fifth Avenue



Bernhard Willhelm, ombre magicka kimono dress, $1,495 at Seven New York

Thursday is the perfect day to watch a movie. Why? Because tomorrow is Friday. Rest up before the big weekend! Get off those dancing feet and plug into a good film.

StyleGirl loves anything to do with fashion, movies included. Want some good recs to put on your Netflix queue? Look no further than the two films below.

If you know where to look in the underbelly of San Francisco's nightlife, you'll find a scene that is soused in glamour, lust, hedonism, and delicious sin. And here to catalog it for us - for better or for worse - is one of San Francisco's most prominent party photographers, John C. Liau. John photographs for Vaindeer, and the name says it all. A tongue-in-cheek reference to all the party kids who love getting their pics snapped, Vaindeer has been chronicling San Francisco nightlife since 2006.

Nightlife photography has really taken off in the last few years. Where before, our concept of event photography was limited to the red carpet - staged, posed, and completely lacquered in formula - now we are seeing pictures that are wholly in media res. Wherever you go at the party, the camera might follow, whether it's the bathroom, the outdoor smoking section, the bar, the dancefloor, the stage. These photos might be of last night's party, but with the party memorialized eternally on your hard drive in a celluloid medium, these photos also mean the party never has to end.

I love party photography because it's a great way to keep from forgetting a night you may have drank too much to remember.

Cannes. Such a chic word. Dommage, most of us here in SF have better things to do than worry about what the celebs are wearing. So that's where your StyleGirl comes in.

Handpicked, by moi, the best dressed of the Cannes Film Festival, which ended just this week.



Georgina Chapman (of Marchesa) wearing Marchesa, pictured with her boyfriend Harvey Weinstein. Marchesa is usually a little too embellished for my taste, but I love this dress. It's like a beautiful Rococo couch.

 
Adorable Milla Jovovich in Louis Vuitton. I really love these bold, primary colors.

 
Natalie Portman in Givenchy Haute Couture. Fashion writers love to compare Natalie to the inimitable Audrey Hepburn, and generally I just shake my head bewilderedly. But I love her in Givenchy, which was Audrey's favorite designer, and in this gown - even if she's not channeling Audrey Hepburn - she glows with that same elegant, modern grace.

 
Julianne Moore, in Christian Lacroix Haute Couture. The feathers and the buttery pale yellow of her gown are so Moulin Rouge meets Victorian countess.


Yoshino Kimura, in a kimono. I love this. I don't know why. I just love how she showed up in something like this and is just like, "Um, what?" Plus she looks hot.

 
Saving the best for last, Cate Blanchett in Armani Prive. I love the origami drapings on this gown, and I love how pale she looks in it. Cosmopolitan magazine (the fashion magazine for suburban teens everywhere) loves to caution, trashily, about how certain colors 'wash' people out. I think anything and everything can be a design element, and I like it, actually, when people wear clothes that wash them out - so long as it looks intentional. Like could you ever imagine Cate wearing a trashy Versace gown in bright pink? Please. Here, Cate just glows.

All photos above courtesy of Style.com

I adore androgyny, especially since it remains such a taboo. It's a nice change of pace when fashion has us questioning the boundaries of our worldview. I like body conscious clothing, but I  also like when clothing takes us to a realm beyond the body, or at the very least presents us with a cerebral lens with which to see past the mere physical nature of clothing.

Which brings me to today's fashion icon. Andre J was born, physically, a dude - but has legs that look so good in a miniskirt that I'm seriously envious.



Andre on the cover of French Vogue with Caroline Murphy

Andre J, in his interviews, refuses to be labeled a crossdresser. In fact, he refuses to be defined by any normative gender designation.



Photo courtesy of the New York Times

Those who've read Judith Butler know that gender is performative. But rarely do people have the courage and the self-assurance to challenge our stringent social mores, especially with the nasty stigmas and the harsh ostracizing that often results. So, Andre J is basically my hero. He's already made a splash in the fashion world - will he become a household name? I hope so.

It's summer now, but with the weather in SF being so unpredictable, I know better than to put away my winter coats. When you're shivering outside of a SOMA nightclub at 3AM looking for a non-existent cab, you're going to wish you weren't wearing just a minidress.

But, never fear, there are ways to dress fashionably and weather appropriately, and with these styles, you'll look sizzling and practical. Now how's that for a one two punch?

 

Your StyleGirl blogged two weeks ago about the YSL "Tribute Platform Sandals," which retail for $760 at high end department stores like Neiman and Saks.

Worst coat, at Viktor & Rolf. Okay, I admit love bizarre fashion, and any sort of clothing choice that leaves people thinking 'what does it all mean.' But when you have to literally spell something out, you know the symbolism is a bit heavy handed. This coat is preachy, unwearable, and gimmicky as hell.


Worst hair, at Yohji Yamamoto. No explanation required.


Worst boots, at Rick Owens. No one wants to look like they have cankles or fat calves, so why would someone create a type of shoe that actually makes your legs look like (1) they're melting off your body or (2) they are afflicted with debilitating elephantitis. I cringe just looking at these boots. I mean, they even make Jessica Stam look fat, and that's a really difficult thing to do.


Worst little black dress, at Betsy Jonhson. It's not easy to kill the LBD, but Betsy, you've done it. With what's going on between the tassles on the bottom, plus the unflattering empire waist cut and the strange neckline, it's bad enough, but add those ridiculous stunna shades plus the tranny wig and you have something that's trashy on a level not seen since Heatherette.



Worst use of fur, at Jean Paul Gaultier. THAT THING STILL HAS A FACE!! This is just waaaaay too Conan the Barbarian. I don't know, is having a ferret head above your own head the next big thing? Ew.


Least intelligent dress, at Christian Dior. I get the whole 'Valley of the Dolls' reference, and like, the whole optimism and opulence of the sixties as a cover for ideological vapidity and cultural emptiness as a fashion statement - yeah, it's obvious. But the only kind of Barbie doll, Malibu golddigger who would wear this atrocity sure wouldn't know the Valley of the Dolls from Sweet Valley High. While the bystander might be intelligent enough to understand the dress, anyone who would wear this thing would certainly not.


Worst headgear, at Junya Watanabe. Love the jersey draping on this gown, still scratching my head at what's going on above the neck.


Worst thing to wear around small children, unless you want to give them nightmares and send them to therapy for the rest of their lives, at Gareth Pugh.


Worst overall ensemble, at House of Holland. Betwen the eyepatch, the reindeer horns, the weird Abercrombie and Fitch plaid, or the extremely extremely unflattering tower-of-bedskirts thou hast christened a dress, I don't want what I hate most. The only thing I don't hate about this ensemble is Aggy. What have you done to her?

Images above courtesy of Style.com.

Challenge your style by hitting the town in some cutting edge make-up. I say this without a smidgen of irony: the tranny look is where it's at.


Image courtesy of Dirty Dirty Dancing

Your face is your canvas. Why not dress it up with some crazy makeup every now and again? I love what's going on in Europe's nightlife scene these days. People are really taking risks with their style. Besides San Francisco's trannies, I don't really see a lot of expressive make-up around, whereas it's really taken London by storm (Check out Dirty Dirty Dancing - club photography at its best).

The difference, I think, between calling people like those pictured above 'avant garde' as opposed to just 'hipsters' is that there's real thought in what they're wearing. For all of fashion's playful superficiality, avant garde styles are those that are interesting, cerebral, intelligent, and contemplative. Being counterculture or subculture takes more than just donning a pair of pedophile glasses and growing out some silly facial hair and calling yourself stylish. Perhaps I'm naive but I like to think of fashion as art. Perhaps it's not a high art - like painting or music or cinema - but it should definitely take more to being called fashionable than wear head-to-toe this.

Yes, your StyleGirl knows how to read, even though it doesn't always seem that way.

Lately, I've been reading a lot of books with fashion themes, and in that process I've come some novels that actually approach the world of fashion intellectually - a rare accomplishment indeed.

Veronica, by Mary Gaitskill is a book that really made an impact with me.

It's a WONDERUL book, but really, extremely depressing read. Allison, the protagonist, is an ex-model who jetsetted between San Francisco, New York, and Paris in the 1980s. Because of her beauty, she was a heinous be-otch and treated people like crap and basically cared about nothing except going to clubs to do blow and be seen with the other pretty people. Because she's a promiscuous ho, she gets heptatitus B and loses her beauty and becomes this nasty hag lady with no teeth and has to clean peoples' toilets for a living, not to mention she spent all her money and now lives below the poverty line and has no family, no friends, and no goals. Her friend Veronica, whom the novel is named after, is the only person she really cares about, except Veronica contracts AIDS from her bisexual boyfriend Duncan and dies. Ok, there's a hell of a lot more going on in this National Book Award nominated novel than my cracked out recap, so read the SF Station's review - much more insightful than this one. But take my word, Veronica is a very good book.

I love the style of London's swinging sixties. The Carnaby Street culture of Mod London was so hedonistic and vapid, wholly preoccupied with style over substance, or rather - style as substance - that it feels like a complete reversal of the movement in the Bay Area going on at the same time, when people were protesting the war and organizing sit-ins at People's Park. Watch Antonioni's film Blow Up, if you haven't. It beautifully and thoughtfully encapsulates the mood of that ideologically jejune but stylistically brilliant era. One of my favorites faces from that time is Jean Shrimpton. 

 

She was so stunning, and the first real supermodel. We often think of Twiggy as the great mod supermodel but Jean Shrimpton was her predecessor and, in my opinion, remains the face of the swinging sixties.

  

Which makes it sad for me to report that, these days, Jean Shrimpton is a scary cat lady. Seriously.

Look at this video.

 

Why did Jean just give up?? She's only in her 60s. Look at Madonna! Look at Cher! Look at Sharon Stone, who's at least 95 these days. 

Sorry. I know. She's aging gracefully. Even without botox and plastic surgery, you can still see she's stunning. I like that she moved to the country and eschewed the artificial world of fashion to focus on the simpler and more important things in life. But, girl, you knew you were going to be interviewed... you could have at least did something with your hair. Jean Shrimpton, don't let yourself go! We love you!  

When I think of Memorial Day weekend, I get these images in my head of horizontal striped rugby shirts, pastel bermuda shorts, and cork-heeled wedged espadrilles. Suffice it to say, I haven't had a sober enough Memorial Day where I remember what I wore since the late 90s.

The problem with Memorial Day in San Francisco is that it gets so effing cold here at night. I dream of walking around in nothing but a one-piece bathing suit, accessorized with ten pounds of sparkling cruise ship jewelry, like this Style.com image from the 2009 Chanel Cruise Collection.

 

But with the weather in San Francisco like what it is, I'll probably be wearing something like this Dries van Noten coat:

 

San Francisco, I love you. But why are you so cold to me? Why, in late May, must I go out in arctic tundra gear?

Only in San Francisco. Image below courtesy of W Magazine.

 

I love men who look like grandmas. Like this guy.


Image courtesy of Hel-Looks

According to Saku, pictured above, "Women who are past their middle-age inspire me." Grandma chic has been on the radar for girls since the days of the Golden Girls, but the grandma style been a slow development in menswear. It's great to see grandma style finally catching on with the other half of the population. How to do grandma chic best?


Image at left courtesy of Glam Canyon. My advice for guys who want to try the grandma look is to straight up wear women's clothing. Go dig through a thrift store women's section and you're sure to find some treasures. It takes a special kind of guy to want to dress like an old lady. I know a lot of guys like this, guys who are endearingly quaint and frumpy, but also warm... this idea of warmth and coziness as a design element is the most important aspect of grandma style. Grandmas are always wearing these big, warm sweaters and telling you to put more layers on, and something about that translates well into this look. The Urban Dandy is aloof, icy, elitist. The grandma is all about kittens and bunnies, pastries and tea. Loves.


Note: Grandma and grandpa chic are sometimes confused, but I'm referring mostly to guys who wear old lady clothes (as opposed to old man clothes), and I'm sure your grandpa didn't wear your grandma's clothes. Or maybe he did - I'm not judging.

I thought shutter shades were merely stupid, but I think the Steve Aoki shutter shades t-shirt is pretty much the stupidest thing I've ever seen.




Images courtesy of The Cobrasnake

I tried a pair of shutter shades on once. It was awful. According to the creators, "Shutter Shades is the next dimension of sunglasses." Yeah, if by new dimension they mean, the 'sunglasses' don't keep the sun out AT ALL and instead, obstruct your vision, plus make you look stupid.







Yep, the worst people in the world wear shutter shades - don't you wish you had a pair too?

When I was a senior at Dartmouth College, I was so fortunate to have Ernest Hebert as my creative writing professor. Professor H is probably the quirkiest person in New Hampshire, as evidenced by this gem from him, which landed in my email inbox this morning.

Below, Ernest Hebert on the importance of towels as a fashion accessory. Professor H is right - your towel is an expression of who you are.

"You're a young guy leaving home for the first time. Your mother will want you to
bring a dozen or so towels. Don't fight her on this issue. Let her fold them and
put them in your bag. Stop at the nearest dumpster and throw away all the towels
but one.

The remaining towel will be your stealth fashion accessory. You will use it
exclusively. It will never see the chemicals of soap, nor be battered and
stretched by washing machines, nor overheated by dryers. As the weeks turn to
months and the months to years, the towel will take on the essence of your very
being.

Keep your towel cool and damp. Nothing speaks more articulately of who you are
than your damp towel, especially as discovered by a visiting woman friend as she
enters your bathroom only to find there is but one towel, your towel, and that
that towel is damp and clammy. Your towel's aroma will act as a powerful
aphrodisiac.

Never hang a towel evenly on a rack, because the air might get to it and dry it
out. Always clump it up before placing it on the rack. Practice clumping up your
towel to keep the moisture from evaporating.

You will be tempted to throw the towel on the floor. Don't! You can't control
the clump of the towel if you throw it. It may just land sprawled out and nearly
flat, a condition which will hasten its drying within six or seven hours. So,
okay, throw the towel down, but make sure to clump it before leaving the
bathroom. Use your foot, all the better if there is a shoe in it. You don't want
to bend over to clump a towel, because you might endanger your back.

Your towel will do double-duty as a bath mat and can also be used to whisk away
the corona of stray trickles around the toilet.

A well-damped towel can last thirty or forty hours, though a hot day and a
well-ventilated bathroom can speed up drying time. To keep the air in the
bathroom still and moist disconnect the vent and nail any windows shut.

Shower daily upon rising and twice daily in hot weather. It's important to
remember the purpose of showering. It is not to keep clean. You take a shower
every day to keep your towel damp.

You say you already clump your towels. Good boy. You'll do just fine away from
home."

Oh God. Since when did Ed Banger become a noun, verb, religion? And now hipsters are called bangers?

I still love Justice's music. I freaked out a few years ago when I heard D.A.N.C.E. for the first time. But I can't stand a few things about them. 1) They have their own line of ugly clothes now. 2) Tecktonik REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY gets on my nerve. 3) You've got to be kididng me, because tecktonik is now an effing trademark.

The French electro kids are taking things to a whole new level with this Ed Banger, Tecktonic, Yelle-being-all-over-MTV thing. French electro hasn't been this relevant since Daft Punk, and I guess our friends across the Atlantic are milking it for all it's worth.

But, seriously, where is electro going? On the one hand, electronic music is - for many people - a sign of music progression. Music these days is all synthesized, and from what I've seen, it's mostly on consumer Macbook Pros. But I can't help thinking that so much of this has happened before, like new electro is just an amped-up remix of 80s new wave or of 70s disco, when the club scene was where it was at, and the go-to cocktail at the bar was a mixture of designer drugs.

Have turquoise Wayfarers replaced black, then red, then white as the new color of sunglasses for summer?

We've gone through the gamut of colors already. What's next? Neon green? Burnt sienna?

I have to admit, as much as this trend is just such a trend taking over the world and totally overdone so popular, I have a soft spot in my heart for turquoise glasses. The same cannot be said for turquoise jewelry, however.


Photo courtesy of The Vagabond Looks


Image courtesy of Teamsugar

Is turquoise the new black?

Staerk leather shorts from Oak NYC.



The Jeremy Scott "Boot Stomp leggings" from Seven New York.



Grey Ant overall shorts from RevolveClothing.





Vodka...

What is steampunk? According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, steampunk "denotes works set in an era or world where steam power is still widely used--usually the 19th century, and often set in Victorian era England--but with prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy." Meaning, basically, steampunk is a brand of aesthetics that glamorizes modern technology in a setting that is distinctly Victorian. I adore the Victorians. They were so repressed, so dark, so frightened of dying of things like consumption and pneumonia and chills. Perhaps because life was so dark, ghastly, and gas-lit, especially in rainy cobblestoned England, they had the subversions necessary to create such interesting and transgressive art. Check out these awesome steampunk gadgets. I crave this amazing LCD.


The steampunk aesthetic is all over the electronics and gadget world, but in a way, it's slowly becoming part of fashion as well.

Etsy has amazingly steampunk fashions and accessories, of which I am in love. Wearing them is like transporting yourself back to the crimson age of harlots and flowergirls, pockets and pence, glitter and grime. Here in the Bay Area, we live in the age of silicon, but it's nice to pretend that we still live in the time of steam.

Finally, is this not the most amazing thing you've ever seen?

Whenever the people of San Francisco are encouraged to don a costume, it seems like the go-to place to pick one up is American Apparel. This weekend was Bay to Breakers and, just like during Halloween and Love Fest (two other momentous occasions in a San Franciscan's life when nudity and exhibitionism is not only permitted but encouraged), at least 90% of the costumes I saw were comprised of variations of American Apparel.




Fat man wearing American Apparel gold hot pants.

American Apparel has some good pieces for costuming, as the line's entire aesthetic is intended to appeal to those wishing to dress up in costume in their everyday lives. But, seriously, have some imagination, San Francisco. When you are encouraged to be creative in your costume, don't go as an American Apparel jogger, an American Apparel 80s aerobics instructor, or an American Apparel 70s porn star. There are other costumes out there, and thrift stores galore where you can find one-of-a-kind pieces.

Some more beef I have with American Apparel costumes is that they are a favorite amongst frat bros and sorority hos. Between bros wearing American Apparel at theme parties and hipsters wearing American Apparel every single day, the entire collection is ruined for the rest of us who just like good quality, fair-trade cotton tees.




Sorority chick in silver hot pants, leg warmers, and shiny bandeau top.




Bros in American Apparel headband, wristband, and shorts. Bro in far right of photo in shiny red American Apparel headband.

There was a time when DJs were viewed as the weird dude who stood at the back of your cousin's wedding, behind the records, making terrible jokes about the what they put in the quiche. That day has long since passed, and we've ushered in a new era in the history of the disc jockey -- that of DJs as super sexy amazing outta control hip kids who rule the party circuit. Every guy wants to be a DJ, every girl wants to go home with the DJ, and every girl also wants to be a DJ, and every guy wants to go home with the girl DJ, but also there are gay DJs and the guys want to be them or to go home with them or girl DJs that go home with other girls but the guys want to go home with then too...and my brain is exploding because it's just too much to take in.



San Francisco has some amazing DJs who've made a name for themselves on the local party circuits. From counterculture kids like Sleazemore and Rchrd Oh?! and Jeffrey Paradise to the big mainstream SFers like Claude von Stroke and the guys at Om Records, DJ culture is keeping San Francisco nightlife alive and well.

Nothing will make you sound like more of a douchebag than saying, "I'm with the DJ" but like, basically that's a sentence everyone should utter at least once in their lives.

You know those nights when you feel like a fat cow and you've just eaten an entire pack of Chips Ahoy and three carne asada tacos and the last thing you feel like doing is dragging your bloated ass to a party? Well, the worst thing you can do in that situation is stay home and feel sorry for yourself.

The best thing you can do for yourself? Put on a big shirt that hides that tummy and go to Poser SF. They'll take your photo on the red carpet and give you star treatment all night long. You will be warmly welcomed by beautiful go-go boys, hot trannies, and tunes to get you dancing.

This is Konstantin Kosov (black shirt, middle). He's the creator of Poser SF and sends out the best string of promotional text messages I've ever received. Below are a few examples:


"To do: unstick sweater balls from couch; marry trashy gay lover on impulse: BECAUSE I CAN!, slap on hoochwear and head to POSER. Thursdays @ Truck 15 x Folsom."

"Word of advice to all the amateurs out there: the camera loves those that love themselves. POSER @ Truck. Every Thursday. Red carpet 10-12."

Ugly sweaters are one of my favorite fashion do's. First of all, the ugly sweater has been a part of our collective fashion consciousness since birth. Remember your first grade teacher who'd wear those amazing sweaters that had like, kittens playing with balls of yarn? Or the teddy bear sweaters with the puffy paint that your weird aunt wore and you always sort of held a private fascination for, even if just because it was so heinously heinous? I was practically born with an ugly sweater on, and I'm proud to say that the Cosby Show provides an endless wealth of fashion inspiration.



Meet Justin Epstein, a fellow ugly sweater enthusiast who has an entire collection of hideous sweaters in his closet. Like me, Justin has been wearing ugly sweaters since fashionable childhood.



What a little fashion plate! These days, Justin can be found roaming the streets of SF in an assortment of bloodcurdling sweaters. Of all the people I've ever met in my life, Justin's personal style is closest to that of my beloved grandma. Here in San Francisco, where it gets so cold at night, ugly sweaters are the perfect way to spice up a dive bar or your co-workers' parties. Trust.

I always though maxi dresses made me look like I was pregnant. The billowy waist is comfortable and conceals a wealth of sins -- you don't have to suck in your stomach after a big meal -- but, more often than not, it just makes women look like they've got a bun in the oven. Also, petite ladies, avoid this look the way you avoid McDonald's french fries and whole milk lattes, because it will make you look at least 30 lbs heavier than you really are.

See photographic evidence on right: In the black, we have a slender, non-pregnant girl, who is wearing a dress that completely suggests otherwise. The only reason to wear this dress is to get people on the bus to give up their seats for you.

Luckily for women who ARE pregnant, the maxi dress is the ultimate, stylish way to show off that baby bump. Gwen Stefani is gorgeous in this yellow printed maxi dress. Angelina Jolie was radiant at the Cannes Film Festival in this green empire waist gown. I mean, pregnant ladies do the whole maxi dress thing so well, that I don't understand why those who aren't preggers can't just leave this trend alone. This Anni Sui Fall 2008 dress is so voluminous, that it even makes a 5'11", 114 lb model look like she's in her third trimester.

This Marc by Marc Jacobs ring (pictured at right, from ShopBop) is adorably art deco and goes perfectly with his printed Ottoman tunic. The art deco thing is huge right now, but too bad MJ's tunic is a pricey $1,050. At least his ring is a very do-able $38!

I adore this Kennith Jay Lane amethyst ring, priced at $70. The amethyst (yeah it's real) measures one inch, and there's no better way to dazzle with a cocktail stone bigger than the ice cubes in your cocktail.

This can tab ring by Maison Martin Margiela is so cute and clever and reminds me of the irreverence of a Marcel Duchamp or Andy Warhol art piece. Also, I used to make can tab hemp necklaces when I was in junior high, and there's that whole 90s fascinating with can tab jewelry that I'm glad is making its way back. Margiela's ring is $135 and is guaranteed to attract attention when you sport it around town.

Is it lame of me to admit I'm a little bit obsessed with Disney Couture? They have great costume jewelry with Disney themes, and has the ability to bring out the pretty pretty princess inside any jaded twentysomething urbanite. My favorite? This white leather Alice in Wonderland wrap bracelet. It's got the 80s rock and roll thing mixed with my favorite Disney film of all time, plus it's got little charms on it that say "Eat me" and "Drink me." Precious.

I mean, hello HAT. That hat comes with its own monarch butterflies. I love it, because it's quirky, daring, and tongue-in-cheek without sacrificing any aesthetic appeal, as the hat is still incredibly well-designed and beautiful on it's own. It reminds me of a really nice centerpiece at a dinner party, which is what all great 'ladies who lunch' hats aspire to evoke.

Watching Topshop versus Forever21 is more entertaining than watching the Ultimate Fighting Championships. In this round of Style Wars, we have three rounds of fighting. First, we have the Ombre Print Dress from Topshop versus the Tie Dye Chiffon Halter Dress from Forever 21. They are essentially the same dress in different colors. Who wins this round? My vote goes to Top Shop. Forever 21's dress is a summery cut, but that shade of emerald green seems to me more of a fall color, so I don't think it's very seasonal.

Round two, we have Topshop's Candy Stripe Jacket versus Forever 21's Stripe SS Jacket. My vote goes to Topshop yet again. I like the cut of the jacket better - Topshop's has a much more interesting collar, an entire row of buttons as opposed to just a clip, and a much more detailed design. I also love how the stripes aren't just in one direction, but layered so that the stripes go different ways, especially where the vectors are diagonal at the waist (note, ladies, this will give the illusion of having a smaller waist as well).

And finally, for round three, we have Forever 21's Chiffon Ruffle Skirt pitted against Topshop's Tiered Mini Skirt. My first question is: when are ruffled mini's going to go out of style finally? I confess, five years ago, I bought a ruffled black mini at Forever 21. Five years later, they are still being sold, despite the fact that I haven't seen one anyone cool wear one since, well, I wore it back in college. My vote goes to Forever 21 because it's less than half as much and because paying $60 for a tiered mini skirt - an out of style one at that - feels as immoral as David Hasselhoff being at Coachella.

Both Converses and PF Flyers share a similar aesthetic of low, canvas-based shoe with a reinforced toe, and both brands became popular with the sponsership of a basketball player -- with PF Flyers, it was the 1956 Bob Cousy All-American and with Converse, it was the 1917 Chuck Taylor All-Stars.

So, historically, in every sense PF Flyers made a name for themselves by copying Converse. But is it sacrilege to say that, these days, I prefer PF Flyers? First of all, PF stands for "Posture Foundation," and PF Flyers use a wedge insert that moves weight to the outside of the shoe, which was patented in 1933 and was one of the first shoes that reduced leg strain. I think it's sexy to care about your posture. And check out PF Flyer's Pintail shoes and I dare you to say that's not the cutest women's sneaker you've ever seen.

Justin Bond is amazing. He's a celebrated New York drag performer who's been nominated for a Tony Award for playing Kiki in Kiki and Herb: Alive on Broadway, performed at Madonna's birthday party, and eats fries with Maggie Gyllenhaal. He's also apparently BFF's with Tilda Swinton, another style obsession of mine. They went to the MET Costume Institute Gala together last week and wore the same heels. I also love this photo of Justin with Mike Nichols. Check out his gallery on Broadway World. He always looks like someone's crazy aunt. Loves it!

Please don't tell me strappy sandals with flowers on them are coming back in style. According to Style.com, suede rosette strappy sandals are the perfect gift for mom. I don't know if I want my mom looking like she buys her shoes from the new Paris Hilton shoe line, so I got her a gift certificate to Border's instead.

I love strappy sandals -- don't get me wrong. But the strappy sandals I love are distinctively flower-free, and platform and stacked-heel like Ann Demeulemeester's Lace Up Platform Sandal (pictured at right - from the Saks website) or Yves Saint Lauren'ts Tribute Platform Sandals. Is it really stylish or elegant to wear a huge fake flower on your foot? That just screams bridesmaid nightmare to me. But if flowers are your thing, then you don't need to spend $575 on the Ralph Lauren's. Instead, get these for $20 at Target and glue one of these IKEA fake flowers on it, then - voila - you're all set.

They say a couple should always complement one another, and no where is this more apparent than in music. Like Ike and Tina, Sonny and Cher, and George and Ira Gershwin, the look of a duo needs to be as smooth as peanut butter and jelly. Here are some hip musical duos whose style is as harmonic as the tunes they play.

Crystal Castles is a band that's got serious style. Not only is their band logo a play on the famous interlocking C's of the Chanel logo, but bandmates 8-bit terrorists Alice Glass and Ethan Kath have a style all their own. Alice has short black hair, Ethan has longish black hair, they wear a lot of tight black clothes and look like they're on a mixture of antidepressants and methamphetamines. Even their fans are stylish. Check out some hip kids wearing Crystal Castles t-shirts, here, here, and here.

Chromeo is the classic example of an odd couple that knows how to make it work. Dave 1 is Israeli, P-Thugg is Palestinian, and they hail from Canada. P-Thugg dresses like he's a member of Bone Thugs in Harmony and Dave 1 could be in any indie rock band from Brooklyn. This hipster/thug cross-cultural odd couple sure have created some great outfits, in addition to their disco-infused electrofunk music.

Can we give a shout out to the original devos of style, Hall & Oates? Daryl Hall was just any other funky white boy when he met the hip, mustached John Oates. It was a style match made in heaven, and white boy soul music has never been the same ever since. They landed in our style consciousness with a bang that hasn't let up ever since. Check out these great Hall & Oates inspired Halloween costumes.

After a warm sunny Saturday at Dolores Park, a crop of Craigslist 'Missed Connections' arrive like clockwork by Sunday morning - and might say something to the effect of, "Hey cute hipster girl, you had a great Bianchi fixie and a tattoo of an elephant on the back of your neck," or "Hot hipster guy in the ripped black jeans, I was admiring your piercings from afar." Why go to a bar and pay five bucks for an Anchor Steam, when you can meet Mister or Missus Right-Now at Dolores Park for free? Offer an ice cold PBR to he/she who catches your eye and dodge the fiery sparks which ensue.

For instance, meet Hillary Kaiser, a 23-year-old schoolteacher who loves The Beatles and plans on living in Croatia one day. Word has it she's single and ready to mingle. Catch her (if you can).

And don't stop there - make sure you hit up the affectionately named 'Gay Beach' on the Castro side of the park for some prime cruising action. You might just meet Prince Charming chilling by the picnic tables in DP. And where the ladies at? I know for a fact that DP is the stomping ground for lesbians that are some kinda gorgeous.

I am going through a serious 90s kick, and I'm happy to say I'm not alone. The 90s hold a special place in my heart (and the hearts of 20something everywhere) because it's a nostalgia we can legitimately recall. Who doesn't want to relive their childhoods? But enough with the philosophy; let's get down to business. And that business is... MC HAMMER PANTS!
Everyone rags on them, but the haute designers are already starting to come around. All the way back in 2006, Marc Jacobs was already debuting parachute pants on the runway at fashion week. It won't be long before everyone will be in paracute pants, from the hippest club kid in San Francisco to someone's mom in Ann Arbor, Michigan. They're all the rage in Paris, and Louis Vuitton and Christian Dior have already gotten down to designing them. Seriously, can't touch this.

Ever since Hipster Runoff coined the term "alternative bros," I've been noticing them everywhere in San Francisco!

Alternative bros are guys who dress like hipsters, but retain the 'bro' mentality of traveling in packs, being hard guys, and always being on the prowl.

Alternative bros versus gay hipsters? Who are the hippest of all?